In the summer of 2021, a disturbing trend in social behavior became increasingly apparent. As a seasoned psychologist, I had always been keenly aware of the nuances of human interaction. However, it was during this time that I noticed a significant rise in rudeness and inconsiderate behavior permeating various aspects of daily life. Unlike the overt, aggressive hostility that often dominates headlines, this was a subtler, yet pervasive kind of rudeness that silently eroded the fabric of our social interactions.
My initial observations stemmed from anecdotal evidence: clients shared stories of being abruptly interrupted during conversations; friends expressed feeling slighted by dismissive remarks; and even casual acquaintances lamented a general decline in civility. These minor yet frequent acts of discourtesy cumulatively impacted not only individual mental health but also the overall well-being of our society.
Supporting evidence for my observations isn't scarce. Research indicates that incivility in the workplace and public spaces, as well as online, is on the rise. Studies, such as those conducted by researchers like Christine Porath, suggest that a vast majority of workers experience uncivil behavior, with many encountering it routinely. This behavior doesn't just affect personal well-being; it reduces productivity, heightens stress, and contributes to a toxic environment.
The anonymity provided by digital platforms has transformed social media into a battleground of negativity, emboldening individuals to engage in harsh interactions that they would likely avoid in face-to-face communications. This shift has exacerbated feelings of isolation and distress, contributing to a digital culture rife with hostility.
The psychological toll of continuous exposure to such rudeness is profound. In my practice, I've observed heightened levels of anxiety and depression among clients, along with a pervasive sense of disillusionment. Relationships—both personal and professional—suffer as trust and respect dwindle.
The concept of "social contagion" explains how behaviors and emotions can spread through a population like a contagion. When individuals are frequently confronted with rudeness, they are more likely to respond in kind, perpetuating a cycle of negative interactions. Additionally, the "bystander effect" often dissuades individuals from intervening in instances of incivility, further entrenching the problem.
Understanding the roots of this rudeness is crucial for addressing the issue effectively. I've identified several contributing factors:
Stress and Overload: Our modern lives are characterized by constant stress and information overload. This often results in short tempers and impatience, with individuals having less bandwidth for empathy and consideration.
Anonymity: Digital communication allows individuals to detach from the consequences of their actions, leading to behavior that might be considered out of character in a face-to-face setting.
Cultural Shifts: Societal norms around politeness and respect have evolved. In some cultures, there's a growing acceptance of bluntness and directness, which can sometimes border on rudeness.
Lack of Awareness: Many people are simply unaware of how their behaviors affect others, leading to unintentional rudeness and insensitivity.
Confronted with the pervasive nature of incivility and its detrimental effects, I felt compelled to act. Believing that fostering a kinder society was not only possible but essential for enhancing mental health and social cohesion, I founded the "You Should Be Nicer" (YSBN) initiative.
YSBN's mission is straightforward: to make individuals more aware of their behaviors and to encourage deliberate acts of kindness. The philosophy behind YSBN is that even small, positive actions can create a ripple effect, leading to broader societal changes.
At the core of YSBN’s philosophy is the belief that niceness isn't merely about being polite but about fostering genuine empathy and connection. Drawing on principles from positive psychology, which emphasizes the importance of positive interactions in enhancing well-being and resilience, I introduced foundational concepts like:
Awareness: The first step in fostering niceness is becoming aware of one's behaviors, requiring self-reflection and a willingness to acknowledge and correct insensitivities.
Empathy: Essential for creating meaningful connections, empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. Developing empathy requires practice and intentionality.
Action: Awareness and empathy must translate into action, meaning that we must actively choose behaviors that promote kindness and consideration, even when faced with stress or provocation.
The initial meetings of YSBN, held in my hometown of Portland, Oregon, provided a safe space for individuals to share experiences, reflect on their behavior, and commit to positive change. The non-judgmental approach of these gatherings was key to their success, fostering an environment of honest self-reflection without fear of criticism or blame.
Participants engaged in exercises designed to build awareness and empathy, such as "Mirror Moments" — reflections on daily interactions to identify opportunities for more considerate behavior. Another activity, "Empathy Exercises," encouraged participants to put themselves in others' shoes to understand the impact of their actions.
The profound impact of these exercises was evident as participants reported increased self-awareness and a stronger commitment to practicing kindness in their daily lives. The sense of community and mutual support also fostered a positive, reinforcing cycle of niceness.
As demonstrated by the experiences of YSBN participants and the broader societal trends, the kindness crisis is a real and pressing issue. However, it is not insurmountable. Through awareness, empathy, and deliberate action, we can break the cycle of rudeness and cultivate a culture of niceness. "The Niceness Imperative" serves as both a call to action and a guide for anyone wishing to contribute to a kinder, more compassionate world.
May this exploration inspire you to embrace the power of niceness and join the countless others making a difference—one kind act at a time.